Funny Status Messages

   Everyone keeps saying John Cena tapped out. How do they know? You can’t see him!

   Christmas is really kind of weird. “Let’s all sit around a dead tree in the living room and eat candy out of our socks”

   Fact of life: The older you get, the more risky a sneeze becomes.

   The toughest test in a marriage is interpreting the statement, "Don't get me anything for Christmas."

   Santa, no matter what my wife says, I have been very good this year.

   So ripping off taxpayers of billions is ok, but Menards rebate is bad?

   Not today Satan !! ... Wait.......what kind of cookies did you say?

   Just farted at work and maintenance was called to my area to look for a sewer leak.

   I've just been to a safety meeting at work. They asked me "What steps would you take in the event of a fire"? "Really big ones!" was apparently the wrong answer.

   Merry Christmas you filthy animals!