Funny Status Messages

   At this age my biggest fashion question or fashion rule is… Can I nap in it?

   Before Walmart existing you would have to buy a ticket to see a bearded lady

   I hope you have a happy Thanksgiving. And I hope you have a happy today too.

   Yesterday, I left work pretending to be sick. Today, two colleagues didn't show up, claiming they caught it from me. Freaking liars!

   Just so we're clear, the Grinch never really hated Christmas. He hated people, which is fair.

   Happy Thanksgiving! Just remember that Black Friday shoppers can still block and tackle better than the Dallas Cowboys on Thanksgiving. Let that sink in!

   Octopuses are just wet spiders

   My dangerous sport? Disagreeing with my wife.

   The ocean is technically soup and now my brain hurts.

   A dolphin is just a fish with a better PR team.

   Technically, your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.