Funny Status Messages

   An infinite number of monkeys with an infinite number of typewriters and an infinite amount of time would eventually type out the complete works of Shakespeare.

   If you perform in a guy and a gal musical duo, and you play to the Monday thru Thursday dinner crowd at a volume level where you can hear a pin drop... your career has epically failed.

   I can't believe all the Me×icans who are taking Amer¡can jobs. Amer¡can jobs previously held by 16 year olds.

   .rehtafdnarg sih fo serutcip edun ot ffo gnikrej morf kcab si toggaf efil on ,nwod sbmuht ehT !kool ,hO

   Way more fun being in my 20s in the 70s than in my 70s in the 20s

   Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

   A guy said to me, "Hey, buddy. You got 10 dollars for a sandwich?" I told him, "Let me see the sandwich"

   I know the feeling. The lady in the vegetable sections at Publix Supermarket was getting frustrated with trying to open one of those plastic bags. She recently had plastic surgery but you should have seen the face she wanted to make.

   As I sit here kind of hazy, I wonder is it me, or all the rest who are crazy?

   "Sometimes you just need to disconnect and enjoy your own company"

   We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails!