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Starting a new job feels like you’re a new character on the ninth season of a tv show.
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10-10-2021 15:11
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Exercising is basically hurting yourself until you build up an immunity to hurting yourself.
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10-10-2021 15:12
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Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo Juliette Oscar Echo Bravo India Delta Echo November.
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10-10-2021 15:12
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Someone told me that they had a little seizure and I had to resist saying pizza, pizza.
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10-10-2021 15:13
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Recipes should include photos of the mess you have to clean up afterwards.
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10-10-2021 15:13
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My wife spilled iced coffee in her lap and asked if I’d like some pumpkin spice twatte.
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10-10-2021 15:14
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Stonehenge was just a failed Neolithic game of Jenga
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10-11-2021 08:10
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Interviewer: your resume is very impressive, but what would you say is your biggest weakness Me: lying on my resume probably
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10-11-2021 08:11
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Asking for her hand in marriage means something entirely different if your name’s Frankenstein.
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10-11-2021 08:12
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I PASSED THE BAR!!!! So proud of myself, I really wanted to get a shot of tequila but I just passed it and kept on walking.
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10-11-2021 08:13
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Wild falcons live to be about 13, so all the falcons in the wild today were born in the 21st century. They’re millennial falcons.
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10-11-2021 08:13
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I love Halloween, it is the one day of the year people don't question my sanity.
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10-11-2021 08:13
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In hell your laundry is all fitted sheets.
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10-11-2021 08:14
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For animals with an "amazing sense of smell" dogs sure do sniff piles of turds for a long time before realizing "Whoops, these are turds"
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10-11-2021 08:14
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I’m afraid of a world run by people who were never spanked as a kid and given a trophy just for participating.
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10-11-2021 08:15
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All my life I’ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
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10-11-2021 08:15
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Whether you're a woman or a straight man, taking a bra off is likely to be one of the high points of your day.
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10-11-2021 09:31
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It's sad when I search, "Delta variant", and all but one are about the airline.
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10-11-2021 10:30 by
KennyH
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If you're going to mess around with opioids - overdoses happen, and usually Narcan until it can't.
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10-11-2021 12:14 by
KennyH
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Scream movies would never happen in this day and age because every time the killer would call we’d just let it go to voicemail.
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10-11-2021 13:56
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