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Flinnie Funny Status Messages
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Page: 60 of 64
If I drove a UPS truck there's a 100% chance I would fall out of the truck when I turned corners
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09-01-2014 06:42 by
flinnie
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My wife just nominated me for the "would it kill you to refill the ice trays every once in a while" challenge?
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09-06-2014 07:15 by
flinnie
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If a co-worker asks how your long weekend was, respond with a clever retort like "not long enough" or "MAAAAAN I MISSED YOUR SMELL"
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09-11-2014 05:26 by
flinnie
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Imagine how creepy the first guy to dress up as a clown must have been, and where did he get the idea?
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09-13-2014 10:40 by
flinnie
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I’m glad I’m me, I don’t think anybody else could take it.
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09-17-2014 05:29 by
flinnie
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I scream. You scream. Others begin to scream frightened by our screaming. Panic ensues. Riots breakout... next time just ask for ice cream.
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09-22-2014 05:26 by
flinnie
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I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.
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09-23-2014 05:25 by
flinnie
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Every time I see a beautiful woman with an idiot, I think to myself... this is a pretty good picture of my wife and me
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09-28-2014 08:02 by
flinnie
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Every job in the world should require their employees to enter and leave work in a Soul Train line.
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09-30-2014 05:25 by
flinnie
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When your boss asks why you’re late. Just shrug and say “thug life.” Bosses don’t mess with thug life.
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10-06-2014 05:07 by
flinnie
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We used to be afraid people on the internet would find us in real life. Now we're terrified people in real life will find us on the internet
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10-10-2014 05:19 by
flinnie
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Buy 3 items and get a 9 foot long receipt. That’s the CVS promise.
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10-10-2014 21:52 by
flinnie
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I was going to change my profile pic to a pumpkin for Halloween, but it didn't look that much different from my actual head.
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10-28-2014 12:17 by
flinnie
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"More power to him" is the polite way to say "What a freakin' wacko".
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10-29-2014 18:24 by
flinnie
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I call my fists The Nina and The Pinta because they don't land where I want them to.
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10-29-2014 18:45 by
flinnie
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Nothing is more terrifying than making eye contact with the guy running that mall kiosk.
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11-05-2014 05:21 by
flinnie
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Some people say a true friend stabs you in the front. I’m gonna go ahead and say a true friend just puts the knife down.
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11-07-2014 06:42 by
flinnie
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Fun thing to do #48 1) See laptop on empty table in crowded coffee shop. 2) Ask someone to watch it for you. 3) Leave before the owner returns.
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11-12-2014 05:41 by
flinnie
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Fun thing to do # 86 Leave "this is offensive" as a comment under a photo & never explain why
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11-12-2014 05:43 by
flinnie
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if I had a choice between ending world hunger and seeing a mountain lion play a guitar solo, everyone would eat but i'd regret it forever
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11-14-2014 13:45 by
flinnie
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