ff1241 Funny Status Messages

   Today I saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. I couldn't help but think, it would work much better on the front.

   So you call yourself an adult but I bet you can't sleep with the closet door open just a little bit because you think someone might be looking at you like the boogieman.

   Ladies! I may not have the pen!s of a black man but I do have the toung of a lesbi@n.

   I wonder what I did at work before I had and I-phone and Facebook.

   Kids are more fun when you can give them back.

   I'm smiling on the outside because I have a rainbow of pills on the inside.

   I need to get a santa suit and walk into the strip club to see what the girls will to do santa to get off the naughty list.

   First big snow fall of the season and the TV news is acting like the terrorism threat levels just moved up a spot or two.

   Why do people complain about how broke/poor they are sitting at the bar drinking beer and smoking cigarettes?

   That time after the break up when your driving and the only radio stations you are left with are talk radio and mexican polka.

   Roundabouts and retarded people are like round holes and square pegs, you can force them together, but it isn't going to be pretty.

   When starting an IV on a patient do NOT refer to the big IV needles as lawn darts.

   Sometimes I just want to tell someone "You should play catch with lawn darts."

   Time for naughty dreams! Hope to see a few of you there.

   Some people are worth holding on to. Some people are worth letting go. Most people are just a waste of space.

   With the larger amount of stupid people I get to deal with on a daily basis, I thought lobotomies came back in style .

   The one person you would take a bullet for is usually the one behind the gun.

   Attention all crackheads,and homeless people.... it is a very bad time to ask me if I have any "spare change" when I'm pumping $4.39 a gallon gas into my car.

   A few of you are upset with me for not removing my facial hair. Not sure why because your not the ones kissing me on the lips. But I am willing to make a compromise. So I will be removing some hair on my right a$$ cheek just in case.

   My tourette syndrome in under control untill I have to deal with DUMB A$S! stupid people who lack basic MOTHER FUNK1NG! common sense. SH1T! B1TCH!