equaloppjoker Funny Status Messages

   Our breakup was due to religious differences. She didn't think I was God.

   Karma means I can sleep at night, knowing that everyone I mistreated today had it coming!

   i want to listen to you, but i'm really thinking about snacks.

   I have mixed drinks about feelings...

   If I have ten pieces of bacon and you take five pieces, what do you have? Thats right., A black eye and a broken hand!

   Here is a joke for all of the mind readers out there....

   Yes, I have a girlfriend. Oh...wait, No...thats a fridge. I have a Fridge.

   i dont know what makes you stupid, but it works really well.

   you're so stupid, there's not a bus short enough for you.

   its not an addiction until you've blown someone for it.

   I used to say that no one could be that stupid. Then I met you. I don't say that anymore.

   She said I was crazy but I talked it over with the Coffee pot and the Tea kettle and they both agreed that she didn't know what she was talking about.

   Its so awkward meeting new people. Especially when they go in for a handshake and you go in for an open-mouth kiss. Anyway, his name was Jeff... and he's a Seahawks fan

   I tried to keep up with the Kardashians but now it burns when I pee

   The only difference between a Rectal Thermometor and an oral one is the taste.

   I'm sorry I took your daughters virginity. It won't happen again.

   the center of a doughnut is completly fat free!

   I'd tell you to kiss my @ss but you'd probably fall in love with it and stalk me.

   Brains are awesome! I wish everyone had one...

   I'm worried because a coworker has incriminating nude photos of me. She says she will use them against me if I don't stop sending them to her.