doc Noland Funny Status Messages

   I'd rather hear my parents describe how they have sex than hear a group of drunk chicks when their favorite song comes on.

   There's a small child trying to talk to me right now. Quick! What should I do??

   Am I a hypochondriac? Well, a cloud just went in front of the sun and I thought I was fainting.

   I can't decide if this thick orange sky color over New York is beautiful or too close to a chemical attack of some sort.

   People say that you chew ice cubes when your sexually frustrated: Related News, I am responsible for the shrinking Ice caps.

   since I am unemployed I tell everyone "this is my Friday" all day everyday so at least I get some cheap thrill out of dying alone

   This girl just caught me staring at her, but I played it off by yelling “Cool wall behind that girl's head!”

   I refuse to believe there's enough happiness in the world to justify anyone sticking magnetic daisies on their car.

   Stuttering's cool if you think of it as a drumroll for your sentence!

   Wanna feel like a female porn star? Aggressively open a Yoplait under your nose.

   My back just cracked to the beat of "The Rhythm is Gonna Get You". It finally got me...

   "Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary!" - Sunday Brunch was delicious.

   Dear Jamie Lee "Stupid Liar Face" Curtis, I ate 32 Activia yogurts an hour ago and nothing has h

   so...Is Will Smith movin' back in with his auntie and uncle in Bel-Air?

   With show after show about it on the History Channel, I'm starting to think the Holocaust might have really happened.

   Of course someone else packed my bags for me. What am I a peasant?

   I can act my age just fine, until you say something like "penal code".

   Spent the last 40 mins. on the phone with my mother, regrettably the first rule of Zumba class is nothing like the first rule of Fight Club.

   I am not a gynecologist, but I will give you some Frontline for that.

   If you're homophobic, it's important to remember that they're more afraid of you than you are of them