Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   Cops never say "Thanks for committing crimes and keeping us employed." It's just plain selfish!

   A Middle Eastern man bought a lot of stuff off the internet but never received it. Unfortunately he was E-gypt.

   Tu pac's of Eminems are 50 cents, That's Ludacris! I want my Nickelback.

   Still in bed, the kid asked me to come downstairs... said he wanted to show me something "totally awesome." If it's not a bacon tower, I'm gonna be pissed.

   I think the best thing about the Internet is how quickly you can offend the maximum amount of people with minimum effort.

   If we're not supposed to have late night snacks.. why is there a light in the fridge?

   Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.

   I wonder what would happen if I walked through Sea World with a fishing pole.

   I'm going to Prehab... On the off chance that I get addictions.

   Ladies, if your Facebook status is "It's Complicated" it's really not. It's simple, you have a sh^itty boyfriend, and you're co-dependent.

   Being real is like being a lady... if you have to tell people you are... you aren't.

   Stop everything you're doing. Think about me. You're welcome.

   According to google maps there is no such place as Cougar Town, this show is so full of $hit.

   Think Big. Think Positive. Think Smart. Think Beautiful. Think Great. I know,that's too much for you, so here is a shortcut. JUST THINK ABOUT ME!

   I do it because I can, I can because I want to, I want to because you said I couldn't.

   What do I do when I see someone EXTREMELY GOOD LOOKIN'? I stare, I smile, and when I get tired, I put the mirror down!

   I've gone to bed like 6 times tonight and I've ended up on Facebook every time.

   We spend so much money on buying different clothes... without realizing the best moments are spent without clothes... ;) :D :P

   Sometimes the dreams that come true are dreams you never even knew you had.

   When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, everyone remembers. Funny how that works.