Kisstopher Funny Status Messages

   The wagon of love breaks down under the weight of baggage from the past.

   SHREK is the best fairytale ever, it gives ugly guys hope and teaches them that you don't always have to be the most handsome to get the girl and live happily ever after.

   Pretend you're a giant panda by giving yourself two black eyes, eating bamboo shoots and refusing to have sex with your wife.

   It's funny how some people think they can fool me when I ignore their calls and they call me with a private number 5 minutes later. You really think I am that stupid? I know it's YOU.

   MOM: “Why is there a condom in your purse?!” DAUGHTER: “I dunno. Would you be happier if you found a baby in my purse instead?”

   Dear Slut, Maybe if you closed your legs and opened your heart you might actually find true love and know happiness.

   Sometimes I fake dumbness just to see how far people will go with their lies.

   If there were no women on earth, I would have left this god forsaken planet a long time ago. I am strictly here for the women, everything else is just a bonus. Women make my stay here worthwhile.

   The worst place to be in the world is that place where you are not exactly sure of where you stand in someone's life and what you mean to them.

   If I had a pu$$y, I would never be broke!

   Being faithful to your boyfriend or girlfriend should be common sense. But there is always that one retard that did not get the memo.

   Q. What is the real purpose of FOREPLAY? A. To make sure it's REALLY a woman.

   To people who say love is more important than money, have you ever tried paying your bills with a hug?

   I just saw a baby with a t-shirt that said, "I'm what happened in Vegas!”

   Sluts should be called, HUMPTY DUMPTY. Coz first they get HUMPED, then they get DUMPED.

   What happens at the sleepovers, Stays at the sleepovers.

   Do it today. it might be illegal tomorrow.

   Some friends I would trust with my life, others I wouldn't trust with my drink and the rest I would be mad to trust with my girlfriend.

   Lord gimme patience...or an untraceable handgun.

   Secret Lovers my a$$! Why be someone's dirty little secret when you can be someone else's pride and joy?