Jiffy Pop Funny Status Messages

   ♪♫ I'm just a little silhouetto of a man... Got a song? Got a song stuck in your head right now? ♪♫

   Memorial Day is the day where we spend time with our loved ones, who are sometimes a pain to live with, to remember our loved ones who are painful to live without.

   Justin Beiber's publicist reports that Justinwant to change his name to "Bizzle" to increase his street cred. However music industry insiders say his new name will more than likely be "Justinutha Lonelynizzle"

   Justin Bieber has changed his name, at least on Instagram, to "Bizzle" apparently in order to up his "street cred". Why can't Bieber just up his street cred like rappers do and get shot?

   Just wrapped up a great Father's Day with a phone call with my Dad. He taught me everything I know about fishing, grilling,and fixing things. He also taught me what to say and how to say it if I stub my toe or hit my thumb with a hammer. Thanks Dad!

   Have you ever noticed that the people you'd like to say "Go to H ell!" to are almost always the kind of people who'd ask for detailed directions?

   Not sure of what I fear more, getting the stomach flu, or watching another mud smearing political commercial. Funny how both those things involve nausea and vomiting.

   WTH?? AC/DC Drummer Phil Rudd was arrested for trying to hire a hitman! Well now I'm disillusioned. So much for AC/DC knowing anything at all about "Dirty Deeds done Dirt Cheap".

   Decided I wanted solid abs this year for Christmas. Bought all solid milk chocolate Santas instead of hollow ones.

   Apprently Screech will stab you to make you screech if you call him "Screech" in a saloon. Now I'm wondering how many Screech fans are in prison who would like to make Screech screech.

   Dear Chocolate Covered Blueberries, Seriously where have you been all my life? I can see why your big sister Chocolate Covered Cherries has kept you secret all these years. Wow.

   Almost 60,000 people from Glastonbury area sign petition asking Glastonbury Festival planners to cancel Kanye West performance. The citizen's petition states "Beyonce would be better"

   Last night while having pasta, the lid to the parmesan cheese came off and way too much parmesan cheese spilled onto the plate. I learned an invaluable life lesson from this experience. There is no such thing as "way too much parmesan cheese".

   Today is National Cheese Day! So let us each take a moment and pray for all the hapless imbeciles in the world who foolishly ask "Would you like that with Cheese?"

   ♫♪ " ...It's beginning to look a lot like ̶̶C̶̶H̶̶R̶̶I̶̶S̶̶T̶̶M̶̶A̶̶S̶̶ El Niño, everywhere I go..." ♫♪

   "Braindead" is a new show on CBS about Aliens who invade the U.S. Capitol then seek to eat the minds of our leaders in order to inhabit their bodies. Those poor Aliens. They're going to starve if they're trying to find brains in Washington DC.

   Ironically, Madonna's offer to Hillary Voters was the same one Amy Schumer made to her producers to get her comedy show in the first place.

   Madonna's actual offer, since her affair with A-Rod, is "Free Herpes to everyone who votes for Hillary!"

   Who won the third Presidential Debate? Well that's easy, anyone who didn't watch it.

   I'm too tired to stay awake and watch... It feels like this U.S. Election night is Christmas Eve, and America's worried Santa might leave coal and sticks instead of presents in the morning.