Flinnie Funny Status Messages

   Natalie Portman has named her newborn son Alef. Like the kid wasn't going to get beaten up enough for mom helping to ruin Star Wars.

   Naming a male baby is rarely easy. Go with a cool name, like Nosferatu.

   NAACP blasts CNN for its lack of diversity in prime time. Strangely silent on MSNBC wonderbread lineup.

   We need to be more concerned about dinosaur ghosts

   I saw a faded sign at the sign of the road. However there was no mention of a love shack.

   Watching a Travel Channel show on ghosts. I don't buy the Massachusetts ghost in the red flannel shirt. Thats a meth addict, not a ghost.

   Since this is the last time for the space shuttle, I think we should all dress up as extras from Planet of the Apes when they land

   I eat alot of king sized candy bars. Not because I like alot of candy, but because I'm of a royalty.

   I don't care if people call you the space cowboy, gangster of love or Maurice. I think you're delusional.

   Facebook: making the high school reunion last forever.

   Harry Potter's movie reinforces one stereotype. That an army of evil is still surprisingly inept at killing the main character

   BREAKING NEWS: United States resumes not caring about soccer, looks forward to NFL Football in September

   Facebook was the most searched term on Google last month. If you need Google to find Facebook, you shouldn't be using the internet.

   Hot weather drinking tip: Consume a fist full of aspirin, down a bottle of vodka and go stand out in the sun for about seven hours. Its fun

   Want to feel old? Kim Carnes of Bette Davis eyes fame turns 65 today.

   Today's best euphemism for self gratification: Buttering your corn.

   Talking faster and repeating louder your very weak argument does not help you. It makes you appear more like a toddler. And a whiny one at that

   When I become a billionaire I'll still do stuff here. I'll just say, "In your face, peasants!" as I hit submit

   I want to become a receptionist so I can say "Your son Rip is on line toot"

   Stories that have been ripped from the headlines are the best. Except the ones ripped by bears. They're really hard to read.