DYLAN BOSCH Funny Status Messages

   Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser!

   I feel sorry for people who don't drink; when they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."

   Don't you hate it when people start a whole conversation off you're status? C'mon guys, get a WALL!"

   Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus."

   It's tough to judge nonverbal cues from someone with an eyepatch. Did that pirate just wink at me or are they blinking?"

   Nothing's more satisfying than when "the one that got away" turns into "whew, dodged that bullet."

   ‎I don't remember anything from last night. Somebody must've put something in my drink". Yeah. If this was a game of Clue I'd have to go with "the bartender, In the club, with the vodka."

   if I sneeze and you're sitting next to me, it is acceptable to bless me. If I sneeze and you're 50 feet across the room from me, no need to shout at me unless you're the pope."

   is it just me, or are 80% of the faces in the "people you may know feature" on Facebook, people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

   if Winter was alive, I would hunt it down and kill it..."

   The first Monday night game in Detroit in almost 10 years and the Lions aren't even playing in it!"

   just wanted to let everybody know that she is Okay! I know it scared me on the radio when I first heard the rumors, But I Called her and she is fine.. My Grandma did not get run over by a Reindeer!"

   when you get pulled over for a D.U.I quickly pull off the lable off of the beer and stick it on ur forehead and tell the officer you havn't been drinking ur on the patch!"

   placing myself in "TIME OUT" until I am able to play nice with others! Until then, don't piss me off because I have nothing to lose being in Time Out already!"

   If you dug a hole through the center of the earth and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?"

   Pandora tells me what music I like, Netflix tells me what movies I like.. Refrigerator: Why are you such a slacker?!"

   it just me, or is each "next big thing" getting less and less big and nexty, and a lot more thingy?

   I heard that the world is going to end in 2012, because that's only as far as the Mayan calendar goes. But the news gets even worse: I checked MY calendar, and it only goes to the end of this year!"

   Someone quoted me incorrectly on Twitter again. I *HATE* it when I get mistweeted.

   watched that new gay television soap series called, 'Leave it, it's Beaver!'