Flinnie Funny Status Messages

   I’m so old, I can remember going through a whole day without taking a picture of anything.

   Minnesota is my favorite state that sounds like it's a small soft drink.

   I would rather lie there and accept death than try to get out of a hammock while anyone is watching me.

   I'm "had to actually call a girl on the home phone to ask her out while hoping my mom didn't pick up and start dialing" years old.

   I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn’t do anything except send me notices that there’s a new version of itself.

   I'm a bad multitasker and even a questionable monotasker

   The worst thing about parallel parking are witnesses.

   How are poor people so good at finding money for tattoos?

   Do you ever start writing a status and halfway through you’re just like “nah”

   I think there should be something in science called "the reindeer effect". I don't know what it would be, but it would be cool to hear someone say "Gentleman what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect"

   It's always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.

   When one door closes another one opens... if that were true, imagine trying to get in the car. It would be like an episode of Mr Bean.

   I got you something better than a present. I wrote "happy birthday dude" on your Facebook when a robot reminded me it was your birthday.

   Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed. And it was great

   Next time you hear a stranger give out their number text them details of what they're wearing. It's so much fun to watch them freak out

   Someone hacked my online bank account and now I have to change my dog's name.

   facebook has allowed me to bring my "he's a distraction to the rest of the class" from school to a global scale

   Does anyone else ever hear their alarm go off in the morning and immediately start rationalizing quitting your job?

   sometimes I wonder if I'm being selfish using my voice to just sing in the car instead of saving the music industry

   Punk's not dead. Punk is resting its eyes. Punk works hard all week. Just please, go play quietly and let punk sleep.