Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   If good things come to those who wait, then I must have something ridiculously amazing coming!

   Being an adult means going to the grocery store, paying a ton of money and still having nothing to eat.

   I make a mean cup of coffee. This one just told me that it hopes I have a crappy day. :(

   A sunset is just a beautiful way of reminding you of all the stuff you didn't get done today.

   If I ever become president, everyone will recieve a pet unicorn and a midget sidekick.

   When I grow up I want to be a kid.

   Friends are like shoes. We look for good-looking ones, but at the end, we choose the ones we feel comfortable with.

   You have to speak to be heard, but sometimes you have to be silent to be appreciated.

   If gas gets any more expensive, I'll have to file for tankruptcy!

   I can't wait 'til I'm rich enough to throw things away that accidentally fall in the toilet.

   Silence is a girl's loudest cry. You can always tell she's really hurt when she starts ignoring you.

   I like the night sky more than anything else in this world, its the only place where chaos is so peaceful.

   Relationships are like fat people, most of them don't work out.

   A true friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.

   I have benefits if anybody needs a friend.

   May your friends respect you, your troubles neglect you, your family protect you, and negativity not affect you.

   If somebody's presence does not add value to your life... then their absence should make no difference!

   Fun Fact: There's more time spent installing Adobe updates than the actual use of Adobe.

   You can't make the same mistake twice. The second time you make it, it's no longer a mistake. It's a choice.

   It's a lot easier to get over someone when you realize that you shouldn't have been underneath them in the first place.