Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   I have no idea how I got 80% of my stuff.

   Life doesn't come with instructions, so why live as if it also comes with rules?

   The only thing worse than the truth are the lies that are told to cover it up.

   MILLION DOLLAR IDEA: A passenger side drive-thru window for their complicated orders.

   Of course money buys happiness! You ever seen a homeless person skip?

   So April 7th is National Beer Day... I want to get "speaking in cursive" drunk.

   Next time the bank calls me to tell me I'm overdrawn, I'm gonna tell them, "We are aware of the situation and are working to repair it."

   If weed was ever legalized, I can't wait to see the commercials...

   I just sneezed so hard I think I opened a time portal.

   Love many, trust few, and learn to paddle your own canoe.

   If I don't have my budget balanced by tomorrow, I am just going to shut down...

   I don't believe in neither the Democratic party nor the Republican party. I just believe in parties.

   I'm not cranky, I just have a violent reaction to stupid people.

   Hey Facebook, if I have 75 friends in common with someone and we're still not friends, it means I don't like them. Take a hint.

   Remember the tea kettle, though up to its neck in hot water, it continues to sing.

   Sometimes you just see a post and think, "Yup it's your own fault."

   Post this as your status update if you hate status updates that tell you to repost something.

   I don't give a crap, but If I did give out crap. You'd be the first person I'd give it to.

   Too often we want what we cant have... but those who suffer the most are those who don't know what they want.

   Live this day as if it is your last. And if it turns out it isn't, make a great many apologies tomorrow.