Funny Status Messages

   I've decided to invest in fine art. I don't really know much about art though; I'm just in it for the Monet.

   I broke a mirror in my house. I'm supposed to get seven years of bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

   I have depression. A friend suggested I need to get out more so I went to the beach. Now I have a Tropical Depression.

   If we want to make America great again, we will have to make evil people fear punishment again.

   A quick temper will make a fool of you very soon. Especially for a lot of people here.

   Can someone explain how Jaime fell off a horse in ankle deep water & then sank into the abyss? Thanks

   "Baby on Board" Oh really? Thanks for letting me know. I was about to ram into your car but now I won't.

   Jimmy Kimmel asked Americans to find North Korea, but they pointed at Canada. Are we really this stupid?

   I made a wish to feel young again. I woke up the next morning with a zit on my nose.

   I cop pulled me over for talking on the phone while driving. I didn't get a ticket after I explained that it was my wife. she was doing all the talking and I wasn't really listening

   Standing in the park, I was wondering why a Frisbee gets larger the closer it gets. Then it hit me.

   * Reverend mother has been constipated for a week. The nuns tried home remedies without sussess. One nun said how about I go out to a bar. The other nuns ask how will that help ? She said if I go and come back drunk reverend mother will sh*t for sure.

   I'm always the first one to say "I love you" in a gangbang.

   who gives a rat ass - nuttin we can do about it anyways

   * Kinky versus perverded kinky is useing a feather during sex. Perverded is useing the whole duck.

   I'm sure the white house has leaks....it's an old building

   * A russian couple, Rudolf & Tosha are driving home. Tosha: Looks like it's starting to snow. Rudolf: It's rain. Tosha: no I think it's snow. Rudolf: Rudolf the "red" knows rain dear.

   To the people who are offended by this song...Well...let me tell you.. The Lady is a Tramp song by Frank Sinatra was a song written about my mother! Now,if you got a problem with thiat Then....Obviously that means you must have slept with her..

   For a person who loves having a lot of gold things. That trump would have a golden retriever.

   it me, or is *** an annoying prick for all his incomplete jokes? Go away *** you bother me!