Marshall the great Funny Status Messages

   I'm not single and I'm not committed... I'm simply on reserve for the one who deserves...

   Every time I see an abandoned shoe on the highway it makes me sad that I've never partied that hard.

   Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it's a brighter day.

   The cool thing about The Clapper is it doubles as a strobe light during sex.

   If a girl will play video games with you while she is naked, you should marry her.

   I think this shameless self-promotion on Facebook has gotten out of control. BTW: I am awesome.

   I'm looking for the "It's Complicated" box to check off on this tax form.

   It took civilization thousands of years to get us off the farm, and Facebook just one year to send people back.

   My doctor told me to watch my drinking. So I'm off to find a bar with a mirror.

   Excuse me lady in the checkout line in front of me purchasing both a box of condoms and a pregnancy test... How's your day going?

   Some parts of the world use Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. Me? I just want you all to know how delicious my sandwich is.

   There's a distinct difference between power walking for fitness and power walking because you have to use the bathroom.

   I want to be there when Google takes the street view picture of my address. The possibilities are endless.

   My April Fools' Day prank at airport security did not go well. You may not see me Monday.

   It's funny how the people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.

   I couldn't stand to see you hurt. I would have to sit down, then I could really enjoy the show.

   Today I caught myself smiling... I was thinking of you... Don't flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.

   You know that chemical that gets released in our bodies after sex that makes us think we like someone, hey science can you get rid of that?

   The world is gonna throw us a million reasons why this won't work out between us, but I'm armed with the one reason why it will.

   The best love is the one that makes you a better person, without changing you into someone other than yourself.