Funny Status Messages

   Man I am beat! Feel like I just flew on United

   God was invented by the caveman to explain thunder and other stuff he could not explain.

   Well Easter is almost over, just saw Walmart employees putting up Christmas Decorations......

   I downloaded an APP to do my taxes. I hope it hurries.....It's running out of time........

   Those who speak charismatically does not mean they speak the truth.

   At the end of each day life should ask us, "Do you want to save the changes?"

   Fun At The Office Tip: Eat an Easter egg on the Friday after Easter, then wait for the employees to start an office pool named, "What crawled up your a$$ and died?"

   The pollen count is so high math labs are busy trying to turn their math back in to Benadryl

   The pollen count is so high meth labs are busy trying to turn their meth back into Benadryl

   I knew the fun part of my life was over when my friends started getting pregnant on purpose

   They made Paul McCartney and Elton John knights. What's the point if they aren't going to joust?

   And then Satan said "put the alphabet in math"

   I really hate it when people constantly need reassurance. You know what I mean?

   All this talk about egg rolls is making me hungry for Chinese foood.

   ever look at somebodys feet and there toes look like Fritoes

   In school I was always the teachers pet. I was like a pet cat though. They just woke me up when it was time to eat.

   It's fun to leave a note on the windshield of an expensive car saying sorry I smashed it, but I fixed it so well that you can't tell.

   They should change the sound of the new chip card machines . Make me panic and think my purchase was denied. Put a ding on on it or some thing make me think I won something

   I promise you it wasn't special treatment. McDonald's makes me wait for my fries every damn time. Nice try playing the hero and all.

   You can't buy happiness but you can buy weed and that is pretty close.