Funny Status Messages

   I can't believe that United Air offered passengers $800.00 and a hotel stay to give up their seat and not one took them up on it.

   In United's defense, they only claimed the skies were friendly. They said nothing about what happens on the ground.

   Things that will get you kicked off an United Airlines flight: 1) Wearing leggings 2) Having an United Airlines ticket

   I feel like everybody judges me when I say Worcestershire sauce...

   “Can someone call my daughter and find out if I should bomb Syria? She's very beautiful, you know."

   Hey Sean Spicer … reality called. It misses you and hopes you are doing okay.

   Whenever I see a post that only says "I can't" or "I can't even" I assume the person drove off a cliff and the rest of the post was supposed to say "write a complete sentence."

   All of these special little "holidays..." I heard they were gonna have a national "I Don't Give A Sh*t" day... But no one gave a sh*t so it never happened.

   United Airlines... You Might get to fly and it shows.

   "If I get off , It will be on your face" - United passenger

   Typical Hillary/Obama supporters in san bernardino today. They all are very fragile these days.

   Where is the best place to work if you have one Leg? IHOP

   "Jesus Loves You" is a great thing to hear in Church but a terrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

   Sit back, relax and enjoy the fight... -United pilot welcoming passenger

   Funny how effective Chicago police are if you havent commited any crimes.

   If the plan was to hire a press secretary so incompetent that it distracts people from the Administration's incompetence, then today was a very successful press conference indeed.

   Spicer can't concentrate long enough to intelligently discuss the holocaust. He needs to improve his concentration. Do they have camps for that?

   It is gonna be awkward in the hall today when Jared runs into Sean and asks him what the holocaust Center is.

   I don't want our enemies to know what I am thinking, so I will keep my thought s between me and my millions of followers on twitter.

   Like most hard working Americans, Trump should be allowed to fly a private jet to his personal golf course and palatial estate at the taxpayers expense without. Everyone getting crazy.