Funny Status Messages

   been single for so long I should change my name to "Kraft"

   At my age the only thing that gets TURNED on is MR. Coffee

   If to this day you still going on about how Trump won, you are an idiot of the lowest order. By now you should be talking about how Trump made America great again, which unfortunately is just a promised pipe dream.

   Curosity killed the cat, but I was suspect for a while

   Mom: Clean up your room. We have company coming over for dinner. Me: And we're all going to eat in my room?

   I installed an energy saving water heater this morning. It's a tankless job but somebody has to do it.

   Want to help mexicans? Forget protesting the wall. Get your family on heroin.

   Wonder if Donald is going to borrow money from Vladimir Putin to pay for Trump University lawsuit.

   Don't get Donald Trump started on how Sleepy Eyes Chuck Todd is no match for Dreamy Eyes Sean Hannity.

   Every day is April Fools if you voted for Trump.

   Trump has been divorced three times. From: 1) Ivanka. 2) Marla. 3) Reality.

   Watching the news is like playing Clue. So how do you think Flynn's going to die? Bannon in the bathroom with a needle.

   The EPA is rejecting science in favor of blind faith in mega-conglomerates who prize profit over humanity. That's why it was created, right?

   Miss the days when a White House scandal only involved the Oval Office and an intern with dirty knees.

   Wonders if Mike Pence sleeps upside down from his ceiling in his house with no furniture.

   BREAKING: Mike Flynn's microwave just offered to testify in exchange for immunity.

   Hillary Clinton was caught telling the truth today.... April Fools!

   Trumps first hour in the whitehouse - Clean up all the crack baggies

   Musl/ms dont use toilet paper. Starbucks vows to hire 10,000 of them. Enjoy your coffee.

   The pinata is a great way for Mexicans to teach their kids to beat something till they get what they want.