Funny Status Messages

   You know how you sometimes hear something pop loudly in the microwave? That's the camera bulb flashing.

   Going from Barack Obama to Donald Trump is like replacing Captain James T. Kirk with Captain High Liner.

   Paul Ryan thinks Trumpcare health bill needs some changes. To me, it needs only one -- incinerating the entire document in a tire fire.

   It makes sense Tim Allen would support Trump considering he's a big fan of tools.

   Sean Spicer is what would happen if Hank Hill let Cotton influence Bobby.

   Trump is now claiming, that his Perrier water is being tapped.

   North Korea tests new rocket engine. Donald Trump phones Kim Jong-un and leaves stern voicemail stating, "Me no likey."

   Sean Spicer must wear flame-retardant pants to every press conference to keep his pants from igniting.

   Did Trump's physician say he would be the fittest President in history? If anything, he might be the fattest President in history.

   Careful Ivanka. The boss in your new office is very handsy with attractive young women.

   Meatloaf's "Two out of Three Ain't Bad" is Trump's favorite song about what is the appropriate percentage of your wives who should be immigrants.

   Melania and Kellyanne look like someone took two attractive models, and then smooshed their faces around until they didn't quite look right.

   The hardest working position in the White House is Donald Trump's belt.

   Spicer reminds me of a toddler who got caught with his hands in the cookie jar, and crumbs on his face, trying to convince everyone that he wasn't the person who took the cookies.

   Meanwhile, in hell, the Devil is all like ... "What have I done?"

   The Monk's "Nice Legs, Shame About your Face" is trump's favorite song about selecting a Senior Counselor for his administration ... and third wives.

   Marla Maples is in favor or border security. She lost her job to an immigrant too.

   I can't be the only one who is concernd about the White House burning down if all of Donald Trump's pants catch fire. Not only does he have a lot of pants, but they are yuuuuge pants.

   Respect must be earned, even when you are a fat, rich white guy with an important job.

   Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but most of you here, just gargled.