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New Job For Kellyanne Conway: Crypt Keeper from Tales from the Crypt.
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03-19-2017 16:09
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President Trump's wild accusations shocked Melania because she knew first hand that nothing was getting "tapped" in Trump Tower.
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03-19-2017 16:11
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St Patrick's Day taught me a valuable lesson, I'm not young enough to drink anymore.
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03-19-2017 16:15
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Jeff Sessions said marijuana is only slightly less awful than heroin, which is like saying chocolate is only a bit better than the holocaust.
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03-19-2017 16:17
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I went to Whole Foods and then bought two printer cartridges and paid my Comcast bill. I’m broke until 2023.
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03-19-2017 16:20
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Watching Trump meet with various world leaders is like witnessing someone go on a bunch of really bad first dates.
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03-19-2017 16:22
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Reagan had ketchup in school lunches declared a vegetable, so maybe Congress can have Trump declared a vegetable.
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03-19-2017 16:23
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Secret Service laptop with highly sensitive information on it has been stolen, Kellyanne Conway blames her microwave.
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03-19-2017 16:26
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Future Jobs For Kellyanne Conway: Curator of the Bowling Green Massacre Memorial Museum.
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03-19-2017 16:29
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BREAKING: Trump cancels annual Easter Egg Roll, claims he "doesn't care for Chinese food".
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03-19-2017 16:31
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If those terrible doctors hadn't given Trump those five deferments, we would have won Vietnam, bigly.
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03-19-2017 16:34
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So, when does Jill Stein announce her Kickstarter campaign to fund Meals on Wheels?
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03-19-2017 16:36
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So, the argument is that Trump said "wire tap" because he couldn't spell "surveillance"?
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03-19-2017 16:37
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Steve Bannon spent St. Patrick's Day the way he spends every other day, drinking us all into oblivion.
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03-19-2017 16:39
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Instead of condom, I like to call it a child-proof cap.
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03-19-2017 16:40
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To be fair, Trump thinks Meals on Wheels is a taco truck and he hates Mexicans.
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03-19-2017 16:42
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The only snowflake that I'm proud about are the ones I turn yellow.
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03-19-2017 20:13
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How do you change the channel on your microwave? There’s a bunch of smoke poring out of this one. Guess it’s stuck on CNN.
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03-20-2017 05:13
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My therapist doesn't believe in werewolves so I left my last session with more problems than when I arrived.
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03-20-2017 16:47
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Got up at 6:30am today. Did some yoga. Had a protein shake. Ran six miles. Started lying about everything.
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03-20-2017 16:49
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