Funny Status Messages

   "Don't MAKE me turn this beat around!" -Gloria Estefan yelling at her kids.

   You never forget your first love. No matter how hard you try.

   The truth shall set you free. Unless you are in court. Then you should probably just shut up.

   Daylight Savings Time: I say start it on a Monday at 5 pm. You wouldn't lose the hour on Sunday, and it would shorten Monday.

   Rush-hour traffic is flowing smoothly, and there are no accidents on all major freeways. #DayWithoutWomen

   It's International Women's Day. That means only the women with sexy accents right?

   "Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....

   Every problem has got a public holiday. World AIDS day, cancer day, Labour Day and today Women's Day

   Flu stages: Day one, feel like dying. Day two: Afraid I'm dying. Day three: Afraid I'm not dying...

   It's hump day, and international women's Day ... so make sure you hump as many international women as you can.

   Today is International Women's Day, It was supposed to be yesterday, but they couldn't get everything ready on time.

   Day 3 of the flu is going well so far. I managed to brush my teeth without sneezing!!

   Just had a bunch of Persian food for lunch. It was so delicious, but now I falafel.

   For those celebrating Woman's Day... A 'man' won women of the year last year...just sayin..

   Happy "Go Make Me A Sandwich" day!

   The lyrics for "hush little baby" are basically saying "I will buy you anything if you just shut the heck up". And now we wonder why so many kids feel like they need everything...

   "If you build it, they will come." -Inventor of the Vibrator

   So does Caitlyn Jenner get a half-day off? #Daywithoutwomen

   Interviewer: You responded to my question too briefly and you were hesitant. Me: I was thinking how stupid your question was!

   I bet toilet paper rolls in CIA offices all have the 4th Amendment printed on them.