Funny Status Messages

   I'm so old that I remember when Entertainers actually performed at a Presidential Inauguration without receiving death threats!

   Someone I know just had a great great grandchild. That kid comes from a long line of fucl<ers.

   Just saw a coyote next to the highway... I hope this tunnel ahead isn't just painted on

   Obama should resign a day early to make Biden the 45th president just to ruin all of Trump's merchandise.

   Where can I go to find FBI Director Comey? Tune in this week to find out from media News!

   I am feeling lazier than the guy who designed the Japanese flag.

   Be Yourself. Unless you are a jerk; in which case pretend to be someone else.

   IKEA employees are just the souls of previous shoppers that couldn't find the exit

   I haven’t seen the Democrats so angry since the Republicans took away their slaves

   My wife was so sick this morning that I had to carry her to the kitchen to make me breakfast.

   The reason Dolphins fans hate Patriots fans is because the Pats are superior in every way imaginable. Including year after year.

   The circus may no longer come to town but at least we’re guaranteed to always see a few clowns in Washington.

   Nice try, Tom Selleck, but I’m not inclined to take mortgage advice from a guy who lived at Robin Masters Mansion for like eight years

   I just got off the phone with a charity that wanted my old clothes for folks starving in Africa....Well I think it is a scam!!! Anyone that can wear my clothes sure ain't starving!!!!

   I went to a museum and it had all the heads from the statues in other museums .

   Too bad after 146 yrs Ringling Brothers Circus is closing. Well, there is always Facebook. . .

   I got home tonight and my girlfriend had on this little slinky outfit. which only really worked when she went down stairs .

   when I was 5 years old my teacher asked if I wanted to take the class guinea pig home ;.. 7 months later I arrived in the African republic of Guinea .

   Did Lindsay Lohan Convert to Islam? If so she could assemble her suicide vest from all of those horrible movies she has made over her career.. Bombs.. get it..

   I've just clicked on my phone's front camera by mistake, Yoh never been this terrified in my life!!!