Funny Status Messages

   If Donald Trump represents Christian values, those values mean nothing.

   Can you imagine creepy lips Donald Trump trying to force himself on you? Ugh

   Can we get judge Judy to moderate the next debate?

   Well .... That's IT ... It's the LAST STRAW !!! ... I'm now going to vote for the candidate who left people to die, Covered up her husbands Sexual Assaults, And Threatened National Security ..... Because that other candidate said some mean things.

   It would be cool if Ariana Grande were really fat.

   When someone posts a picture of their new car and you want to reply, "Congrats on your $600 a month payment!"

   Anything with Hilary or Trump I just scroll without reading all the crap. From an English man looking for a decent status.

   Look out ladies, Donald Trump might be single soon as Melania isn't happy with her husband.

   Still not 100% clear on Applebee's BYOB policy.

   Donald "No Pants" Duck was a bird truly ahead of his time.

   Perhaps it's time to cross-breed an octopus and a panda. Let me know if you're interested in a pretty amazing hug.

   When the power goes out my family and I play with our phones by candlelight like in the old days.

   If you start quoting The Bible to me, I'll assume the exorcism has begun.

   Now pretend I said that sarcastically and read it again.

   There is no way Hollywood could remake Scream for millennials because, none of them would answer the phone.

   I enjoy short walks into oncoming traffic.

   She calls it "making love." I call it "trying to destroy her."

   Just want to be rich enough to support my alcoholism with quality wine.

   Grocery Store List: -Bottle of Wine. -Wheel of Cheese. -Get Well Soon card (for myself).

   I have serious problems with intimacy and first impressions and friendships and strangers and everything else.