Funny Status Messages

   If you ever see a woman with her arm stuck in a Pringles can in Walmart, I'd appreciate it if you don't make eye contact with me, thanks.

   Watching Steel Magnolias. I wish Julia Roberts could have died more.

   Just watched a dog sucking on a pacifier as Twinkle Twinkle Little Star played and dont know how to feel.

   I find it interesting that over the past few hears Hackers have broken the biggest stories ..... And our Journalists who's job it is to report the news has tried frantically to cover them up ....

   Yes,,, 4 out of 5 dentists recommend you brush your teeth... But the 5th one gets the most business.es,,,

   Female gladiators are known as gladiolas.... Trust me, I'm a gladiatorian.

   My Indian name is 'Dances with Panda Express'.

   If Santa Claus had a FB account,,,, none of us would get presents.

   Ironically, Seattle's Marco Polo Motel does not have a pool.

   Black Lives matter to Donald Trump. His words not mine.

   Colin Kaepernick says America is not great and people tell him to leave. Donald Trump says America is not great and may become president. White privilege.

   the USPS should make stamps of Donald Trump just so everyone can say "I have a 'Trump Stamp' "

   Now that the Olympics are over, I can get back to comparing myself to the athletes on The World Series Of Poker.

   so Trump is off to visit Mexico?. I hope his security detail is up to scratch.

   The "journalists" who tell you to distrust all the polls are 100% fine with you being blindsided on election day.

   "Second coat my @$$! -Michelangelo, upon completing the Sistine Chapel job.

   why didn't you discuss paymet of the wall Mr Trump? SOFTENING!

   Oh, you’re a ceiling fan?... Name three ceilings then... Yeah,,, I didn't think so

   [God creating bees].. And,,, Put a needle on it's butt... ANGEL: “Come on God, wha—?“... GOD: Oh, and make it's puke delicious... ANGEL:“Can we just call it quits for the day?”... GOD: NO, and I want you to paint stripes on it..

   *Bites into a grilled cheese sandwich*... *cuts tongue*... Wtf,, this IS sharp cheddar