Funny Status Messages

   Hey, you guys remember when the GOP Congress refused to increase funding for worldwide Embassy Security? Probably not.

   Melania has responded: "These accusations of plagiarism are not only hurtful to me, but are hurtful to my children Sasha and Malia"

   Congratulations America! We're one step closer to schmuck.

   Apparently Milania Trump is an extremely influential speaker ..... She gives one single speech and all of a sudden Hillary Supporters are all about Honesty and Integrity. Heck ... I wonder what would happen if she gives another one!

   That does it!!!! .... Melania and Michelle are going to have to settle this like real women ...... Time for a winner takes all mud wrestling contest!!! Heck ... I'd pay to see that .... Donald .... You listening?

   "That's one small step for man ... One Giant leap for mankind" .... Melania Trump

   "Is that a gun in your pants ... or are you happy to see me?" ..... Melania Sanchez

   Roger Ailes quits FOX News ..... Guess it's up to Trump Now!

   I hate when people talk about "slutty" clothing. First of all that's sexist, and second it should be called "sexually activewear."

   Part of Scott Baio's speech was plagiarized from the episode of Charles In Charge where Nicole Eggert ran for class president.

   A man at the airport bar is now criticizing "the lamestream media" for "liberal" reporting and "spelling 'speech' without the A".

   I learned all I need to know about race relations from watching C.Thomas Howell's heart felt film Soul Man six times.

   BREAKING: Chris Christie spotted working valet at the RNC.

   I can't believe they're going to remake Little Women with an all-female cast.

   Trump would've had more speakers at the convention but they're were roster issues. Translation: Trump ran out of family members.

   A date so bad instead of just saying goodnight you both write Victim Impact Statements.

   Due to recent events, I'm deducting a full three stars from my Yelp review of Earth.

   A fun thing to do when your co-workers go to Chipotle for lunch is to put up “Out of Order” signs on all the bathrooms.

   I started reading more because for like 6 years I thought Sharia Law was a Street Fighter character.

   All of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are over 21. Sorry to ruin the franchise for you.