Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   My emotional response to getting tagged in a Facebook photo could be nominated for an Oscar.

   I usually don't care what people are saying until they start whispering.

   Things were simpler when everything in my life fit perfectly inside my awesome Trapper Keeper.

   Sometimes I click the "LIKE" button on people's statuses just so I can then click the "UNLIKE" button. One of my many cheap thrills...

   Being a virgin in this day of age is something to be proud of. It is like being a unicorn!

   I spend a lot of time wondering what normal people do in my situations.

   Sometimes you have to go through hell to get to heaven.

   Fat women want to be thinner. Thin women want bigger boobs. Big-boobed women want clothes to fit better. And you know what men want? Women.

   Ever notice how unaware people are of the world around them? No?

   My FB account would benefit from a breathalyzer-activated password.

   I am pretty sure that my cute neighbor thinks that I am a stalker. She wrote it on Facebook, Twitter and in her diary.

   All of my passwords are "incorrect" so my computer always tells me if I forget.

   How busy can you actually be if you just took the time to change your online status to say so?

   I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.

   I think I'm gonna take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower but with me in it.

   I just awesomed all over the place.

   You don't want to look back on your life and say, "I just made it through."

   If my boss saw how many cool things I post on Facebook in a day, he'd stop saying I'm unproductive.

   Some people live upside down. They like to talk out their ass and the only thing that comes out their mouth is sh!t.

   I cut my commute time in half by changing my car's horn to sound like gunfire.