Funny Status Messages

   I had 2 Justin Bieber tickets on the front seat of my car, some jacka$$ smashed my window and left 4 more

   You have a better chance of running into a Bigfoot than an honest Politician!

   Those people that preach Peace and Tolerance to others hate Donald Trump so much that they take time out of their busy day to go and beat up his supporters.

   If the primary job of the President is to Preserve, Protect and Defend the Constitution of the United States, I wonder which one of the candidates would best be able to fulfill that primary duty?

   Businesses be like: Buy one get one free if you pay double for the first one.

   I just want to be rich enough that I can buy my furniture already assembled.

   I'm just looking forward to the day when my kids are no longer teenagers and I'm not an idiot anymore.

   I don't need fun to have alcohol.

   Hallmark has birthday cards out already, and it's not anywhere near my birthday.

   If I did one of those wine and paint nights the instructor would be like wow look at you, you are really good at wine.

   My diet this week consisted of 6 cheat days.....

   My life is an open book. But it's very poorly written and I die in the end.

   Attended a surprise party at work this afternoon. Fred was really surprised he was retiring.

   Hope my Facebook friends like my staycation photos! -Me in a chair. -Me on the couch. -Different chair. -Sitting on the bed. -Couch again.

   I want to push all your buttons. Starting with mute.

   I may lose friends. But.. People who want to politically correct need a red hot iron stoker stuck up their a$$es. . .

   I may lose friends. But.. People who want to BE politically correct need a red hot iron stoker stuck up their a$$es. . .

   "With great b( . )( . )bs come great responsibility". JFK I think

   Damn, two gorillas in one week...

   Are you tired of wal-mart rushing our holiday's? I can't believe it, They already have birthday cards out and it's still months away from my birthday!!!!