Funny Status Messages

   Firetrucks & ambulances would be much more effective if they were to replace that annoying siren with the song "Move" by Ludacris!

   Donald Trump had a fake spokesman 25 years ago, perhaps he'll have a fake cabinet after being elected President.

   John Miller is Donald Trump's fake spokesman, of was it Donald Trump who was John Miller's spokesman?? All we know is both of them sure sounded like Donald Trump.

   Trump constantly flip flops on his positions, no one wants to see him wearing flip flops.

   I am sure hope this John Miller guy whoever he is, former spokesman to Donald Trump, becomes the Vice President nominee on the Republican ticket this year.

   If you just came out of a one year coma, and everyone was telling you that Trump was the GOP nominee for President, you would be convinced you were on some kind of hidden camera prank show.

   I use the men's restroom even though I'm a woman because I identify with waiting on a shorter line.

   When you find your kid grooving to Nickelback....it's time to have that talk.

   I’m always frank with my sexual partners. Don’t want them knowing my real name.

   I rub shampoo in my eyes every morning to prepare for the pain of the day.

   Gonna strap a snowblower on my car roof and start driving south. When someone asks me what it is, that’s where I’m gonna live.

   You know you are pissed off when Eminem starts to make sense.

   Sometimes I think I’m too picky. Then I watch my dog look for a place to poop.

   With all the technology available now, you’d think they’d have found a way to grow apples without those little stickers.

   Always give your dog a middle name, so he/she knows when they're really in trouble.

   I always thought my adult life would include more impromptu sing-alongs.

   You say mystery bruise, I say you're going to enjoy prison for a very long time.

   A “Tap Out” sticker on your mini van still makes it a mini van.

   The older I get the more I understand Squidward’s anger.

   If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn’t have advertised your birthday with balloons and banner on your mailbox.