Funny Status Messages

   Honey .... Does this big belly make me look fat?

   A poll finds Donald J. Trump is less likable as the often criticized Canadian rock band Nickelback and even less favourable than a root canal.

   I just want the self confidence of a cat.

   Any sandwich is a panini if you sit on it.

   I don't understand how God can have Ten Commandments for the whole world, and my wife can have 152 just for our house.

   Have my doubts about this "smart water," considering how easily it's captured and bottled.

   Diet Journal, May 10th: Ate 3 saltines like a wolf pack taking down a caribou.

   Why do you look surprised in all your selfies? Didn't you know you were taking the picture?

   There are no warrants out for my arrest so we could go basically anywhere on a date.

   Why are people always kicking things to the curb? If you really wanna get rid of something kick it to the middle of the street.

   It's an absolute proven FACT that Criminals commit a lot less crime .... After they've been shot!

   It was revealed today that Obama will spend a half Billion bucks on his Presidential Historical Library. Question: If he has sequestered virtually every document from his past...SO...Why even build a historical Library about your life in the first place?

   If Trump becomes President ..... There will be Hell Toupee

   In the Golden Age of America .... Everybody knew which restroom to use.

   .... HA! ..... Ya ..... It's all fun and games till you realize it isn't a video game ..... It is real life ......

   No matter what you call Budweiser, it's still crappy beer....

   It's always a great day when you wake up on the right side of the grass

   Dear automatic flushing toilet, I appreciate the enthusiasm... but I wasnt finished....

   Smart Car owners have the added bonus of "my dog ate my car' as an excuse for being late to work.

   Memorial Day Weekend is coming up and Summer is just around the corner. I can tell because the UPS guy asked me to put sun block on his legs.