Flinnie Funny Status Messages
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Few things stress me out as much as a waiter who doesn't write the order down.
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12-16-2012 05:48 by flinnie
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Judging by how many people brazenly wander into traffic while staring at their phone, there must be some force-field app I don't know about.
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12-17-2012 06:31 by flinnie
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Car alarms would be a lot more effective if they sounded like two people fighting. Everyone would turn their had for that
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12-18-2012 06:05 by flinnie
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Lots of people out sick today. There's that new virus going around-- Unused Sick Days, apparently it's very contagious.
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12-19-2012 06:21 by flinnie
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I snuck in my neighbor's house last night and ate up all their Christmas cookies. This secret Santa thing isn't so bad after all.
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12-23-2012 07:20 by flinnie
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The heart wants what it wants. To pump blood to the rest of your body. Oh and for you to stop blaming it for your stupid actions.
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12-24-2012 06:51 by flinnie
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This woman's so impressed at my driving that she got next to me just to show me she's not wearing a ring. Thanks hon, but wrong finger
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12-27-2012 07:28 by flinnie
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If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple 'Thank you.' is all I need! Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business!
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12-30-2012 08:22 by flinnie
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I can't express my level of disappointment when I'm scrolling and see "Robin Hood:" and it's "Prince of Thieves" and not "Men In Tights"
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01-07-2013 06:19 by flinnie
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Just once I want to see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
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01-10-2013 06:07 by flinnie
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I just won my 143rd straight dance off against that Walmart greeter.
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01-12-2013 08:31 by flinnie
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As a child, you dream of adventure, travel & success. As an adult, a lot of the time, you just hope the toilet flushes.
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01-25-2013 08:52 by flinnie
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I'm completely indifferent when you call me big poppa
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01-25-2013 08:57 by flinnie
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Nothing says 'I dont take you seriously' like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
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01-26-2013 13:07 by flinnie
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I need a volunteer to make sure when I die, my obituary reads: he laid down that boogie and played that funky music til he died.
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02-08-2013 06:24 by flinnie
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BREAKING NEWS: Harvard study reveals that's not what she said.
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02-09-2013 06:53 by flinnie
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When someone looks over my shoulder while I'm on the computer, I open up a new tab and start searching, "HOW TO KILL THE PERSON BEHIND ME."
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02-19-2013 06:14 by flinnie
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The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort.
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02-19-2013 06:15 by flinnie
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Sometimes I think I'm too picky. Then I watch my dog look for a place to poop
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02-23-2013 11:43 by flinnie
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I finally overcame my fear of skinny dipping. Unfortunately it cost me my YMCA membership.
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02-24-2013 07:56 by flinnie
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