Flinnie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Few things stress me out as much as a waiter who doesn't write the order down.
←Rate | 12-16-2012 05:48 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Judging by how many people brazenly wander into traffic while staring at their phone, there must be some force-field app I don't know about.
←Rate | 12-17-2012 06:31 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Car alarms would be a lot more effective if they sounded like two people fighting. Everyone would turn their had for that
←Rate | 12-18-2012 06:05 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lots of people out sick today. There's that new virus going around-- Unused Sick Days, apparently it's very contagious.
←Rate | 12-19-2012 06:21 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I snuck in my neighbor's house last night and ate up all their Christmas cookies. This secret Santa thing isn't so bad after all.
←Rate | 12-23-2012 07:20 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The heart wants what it wants. To pump blood to the rest of your body. Oh and for you to stop blaming it for your stupid actions.
←Rate | 12-24-2012 06:51 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon This woman's so impressed at my driving that she got next to me just to show me she's not wearing a ring. Thanks hon, but wrong finger
←Rate | 12-27-2012 07:28 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple 'Thank you.' is all I need! Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business!
←Rate | 12-30-2012 08:22 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't express my level of disappointment when I'm scrolling and see "Robin Hood:" and it's "Prince of Thieves" and not "Men In Tights"
←Rate | 01-07-2013 06:19 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just once I want to see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
←Rate | 01-10-2013 06:07 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just won my 143rd straight dance off against that Walmart greeter.
←Rate | 01-12-2013 08:31 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon As a child, you dream of adventure, travel & success. As an adult, a lot of the time, you just hope the toilet flushes.
←Rate | 01-25-2013 08:52 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm completely indifferent when you call me big poppa
←Rate | 01-25-2013 08:57 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing says 'I dont take you seriously' like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
←Rate | 01-26-2013 13:07 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need a volunteer to make sure when I die, my obituary reads: he laid down that boogie and played that funky music til he died.
←Rate | 02-08-2013 06:24 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon BREAKING NEWS: Harvard study reveals that's not what she said.
←Rate | 02-09-2013 06:53 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When someone looks over my shoulder while I'm on the computer, I open up a new tab and start searching, "HOW TO KILL THE PERSON BEHIND ME."
←Rate | 02-19-2013 06:14 by flinnie Comments (1)  


   messageicon The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort.
←Rate | 02-19-2013 06:15 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I think I'm too picky. Then I watch my dog look for a place to poop
←Rate | 02-23-2013 11:43 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I finally overcame my fear of skinny dipping. Unfortunately it cost me my YMCA membership.
←Rate | 02-24-2013 07:56 by flinnie Comments (0)  




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