Funny Status Messages

   When you save a beautiful sexy woman from a house fire and she says "Sorry I have a boyfriend."

   College goes 0-100 real quick. You'll go from chilling for four weeks to having 3 tests, 5 quizzes, 4 speeches, and 7 papers due in 2 days.

   Perhaps it's about time to ask Bernie Sanders what American life was really like back in 1776.

   Perhaps Donald Trump should educated all the uneducated people he continually thanks by giving them all scholarships to attend Trump University.

   Seems the same people saying Trump is a bad choice, is the same people who said Obama was a good choice.

   As a parting gift, Trump should give all Americans moving to Canada a bottle of Trump vodka.

   Folks, if your feet look like you've been playing soccer with a pineapple, do not wear flip-flops out in public.

   Bands who can't afford a smoke machine should hire my girlfriend to cook at their concert

   I can't wait till St.Patricks Day....!!! The one day a year I can eat lucky charms dowsed in green beer for breakfast and my wife can't say crap.....

   All these fools comparing Trump to Hitler. Trump never had people killed... Hillary Clinton did.

   Some people seem to like Trump. Others like Hillary, or Bernie. Just be happy you live somewhere that you have a choice, just don't waste it...

   Donald Trump's first name is Rafael Trump. Let that sink in.

   It started out innocent enough. - Whiskey

   So don't come to my door wanting to talk about the Lord. I don't come to your door wanting to talk about wine and vibrators, do I?

   "PROVE IT!!" I yell from the back of the church.

   Question -- Should we either Heil Trump or burn crosses wearing white sheets in honor of Trump? Looking for a fun Thursday night activity.

   I'm so old...I remember when vodka only came in vodka flavor!

   Fuller House is a wonderful show, let's hope Netflix comes out with another one called Married With Grandchildren.

   Cinnamon flavored whiskey...is that what the junior high girls are drinking these days?

   There's always a guy in all coffee shops sitting at a table, not on his iPhone, not on a laptop, not even on an iPad, he's just drinking coffee, like a psychopathic murderer. Don't forget to say "Hi" y'all!!!