Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   Insomnia is a glamorous term for 'thoughts you forgot to have in the day.'

   Great minds think alike but dirty minds work together. ;)

   "I tolerate you better than I do anyone else" is the new "I love you."

   I'm not sure about you, but when someone tells me I look familiar, I immediately start to panic.

   I guess CVS is going green. Today's receipt for cough drops was only 27 inches long.

   Just got an email from MySpace asking, "Where Have You Been?" Well MySpace, it hasn't been 2006 in a while.

   I have watched CSI, NCIS, Law and Order, Lie To Me, Criminal Minds and Unusual Suspects. I can kill you 18 ways with a paperclip and not leave forensic evidence.

   I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didn't talk over the song.

   I hate when I look horrible in a group picture and the person that looks good refuses to delete it.

   Why is it when opportunity knocks on your door, it knocks only once. But temptation... That b*tch leans on the damn door bell!

   If anything I post offends you, please bring it to my attention so I can delete you off my friends list.

   She draws me in with a hypnotic glance, rips off my shirt, throws me up against the wall, presses her body against mine and whispers in my ear... GOT CHOCOLATE?

   When the kids wander around the house I can just see them thinking, "what can I f*ck up?"

   Sitting here watching CNN & I like whats going in Egypt, let it be a lesson to other governments to never bite the hand that feeds you...

   Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting "HOLY $HIT... WHAT A RIDE!"

   Apparently Diet Pepsi has come out with a new "skinny" can...does that mean regular Pepsi will be coming out with a new "fat-ass" can?

   Why would you try to avoid risks in life? To make it safely to death?

   I'm thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.

   When you find someone who finally understands you, the world will go away.

   Friends don't tag friends in hideous Facebook pictures.