zinc Funny Status Messages

   Just tried to change my password to 'Twilight,' but Facebook wouldn't let me. Said there's too many useless characters.

   Poor (adj.) When you have too much month at the end of your money

   A woman can be satisfied with 3 inches.. it doesn't matter if it's Visa or MasterCard.

   I always chase joggers with my car to motivate them.

   I cut myself while shaving today, because who has time to do both?

   I just bought a fridge magnet and it's working great. I have 10 fridges so far.

   █████████████████████ Take that prism!

   Call me old fashioned, but on some nights there's nothing quite like curling up next to my kindle fire with a good eBook.

   I don't have an entitlement problem. I have a problem with not getting everything I want out of life.

   You offer someone a sincere compliment on their moustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore?

   If only these walls could talk -- then I wouldn't be drinking all by myself.

   Don't think of it as 5-day-old pizza you found in the fridge, think of it as...pizza jerky.

   I don't make annoying passive aggressive statuses, unlike some people I know.

   I hate to be one of those who post cliffhangers but...

   It's so cold Miley Cyrus got her toungue stuck on her wrecking ball

   It's so cold you'd rather listen to Bieber than walk outside

   If God wanted us to save money for retirement he wouldn't have invented online shopping

   who needs people when you got pizza

   you deserve more than a guy who wears t-shirts with "witty" sayings that he bought from jcpenney.

   I've probably spent a solid year of my life just staring into the refrigerator