nunthewizr Funny Status Messages

   I wouldn't say that I'm really a bad dancer more like....overly Caucasian.

   The saddest part about my neighbor demanding I not serve booze to her kids is finding out they're not cool dwarfs who like to party.

   The more neighbors I spy on through my binoculars, the creepier I think all my neighbors are!

   Hey Muslims, if you want 72 virgins just go to your local cinema today for a Twilight showing and you'll have plenty to choose from.

   If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn't have couches at this Best Buy

   Even though he was voiced by James Earl Jones, Darth Vader definitely wasn't black because he never would have admitted he was Luke's father.

   Her: Are you listening to me? Me: Trying. But when you talk, your boobs jiggle. It's distracting. Her: Grow up. Me: They did it again!

   Cure for the economy: Send welfare checks in an envelope that can be used as a condom.

   "We... did... start the fire..." - Billy Joel on his deathbed

   The best part of Black Friday? Waiting outside the stores for exhausted women on endorphin highs to come out.

   I thought about going out tonight but am too lazy to take a shower and clean up. Times like this, make me wish Walmart had a bar.

   Don't you hate it when you get that one idiot that pollutes your entire post?

   Holy Crap!!! I'm watching Fox News as we speak and they just discovered bigfoot for real... wait wait.. disregard it's Chaz Bono....

   If you love someone, let them know often. Because you might not be able to say it again. Also, same thing works for people you f*cking hate.

   Yesssss….neighbor guy, the whole block knows you own a Harley. So, you can stop revving your engine every 1.6 seconds. Or, better yet, while you are stopped at the stop sign. You're cool, we get it.

   I found a butterfly on the ground that had no wings. So, I poured some RedBull on it and BAM... it drowned.

   When I'm inevitably brought to justice for my crimes against humanity I hope I'm found "incredibly" guilty and not just "regular" guilty.

   Damn you, books on shelves that don't activate a secret door.

   If I can't identify an animal I spray it with water because there's always that chance it could be a gremlin

   I wouldn't necessarily classify myself as a hater. I'm more like a rational critic of rampant idiocy.