minnie haha Funny Status Messages

   I’m drinking something. I'll give you a hint: It starts with a B and rhymes with....um..... “beer.”

   Rolling out of bed is easy. Getting up off of the floor is another story.

   I came across a show called "It's Me or the Dog"......I gotta say that I was immensely disappointed when I found that it wasn't a game show where people had to guess who farted...

   So, the Pope is resigning, eh? Perhaps I shouldn't have poked him so many times....but, in fairness - HE started that poke war to begin with.

   Quick! When the hunky bartender gets the security guard and points at you; that means he's interested right? I think I’m going to drink for free the rest of the night...

   Happy Mardi Gras! Laissez les bon temps Roule! And hopefully, when you wake up you don’t discover a Tattoo of "Beignets Rule" on your a$$.....do not ask me how I know this.

   Google... sqrt(cos(x))*cos(300x)+sqrt(abs(x))-0.7)*(4-x*x)^0.01, sqrt(6-x^2), -sqrt(6-x^2) from -4.5 to 4.5

   Valentine's Day is for lovers. Or for people like us who will celebrate anything as long as there's slutty lingerie and saturated fats involved.

   Life is like a box of chocolates. Sometimes you have to stick your finger in a few before you find the one that's right for you.... and try to stay away from the ones that already have teethmarks in them....

   The key to my heart is shaped like a bottle opener.

   Definitions: It is an "Asteroid" when traveling through space. It becomes a "Meteor" once it enters Earth's atmosphere. It is a "Meteorite" once it hits the ground. And it is "holymotherofgodwhatthehelljusthappened?!?" if it hits anywhere near you.

   Okay, so maybe practicing hypnotism in front of the mirror wasn't the smartest idea..

   In deference to any Chinese hackers who may looking at my posts: for the remainder of the evening, I will be using ROR (Raff out Roud) instead of LOL for your convenience. You’re welcome.

   I’m depressed and a bit humbled. I just found out Gorgonzola is a type of cheese, not a Japanese horror movie monster.

   Apocalypse Update - Day 67: I should have bought more Febreeze for the bunker, dammit.

   Who needs beer goggles - I've got vodka binoculars.

   March isn't the only thing that comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb.

   The Vatican removed Bishop Sicola from New York from the final candidate list for the papacy...... Apparently they thought it wouldn't seem proper to address the new pontiff as ''Pope-si-cola.''

   Did I already do my deja vu joke?

   I remember the first guy who broke my heart. Well look at me now, Jason! I talk about mundane stuff and drinking escapades to perfect strangers on the Internet. I got a lot going on, dude. You had your chance!