luka Funny Status Messages

   I went to my local library yesterday, and asked: “Have you got a book on handling rejection without killing?”

   People say I have the legs of a dancer. But until they find the rest of the body, the cops have nothing on me, man!

   So what if I can’t spell Armaggedon? … it’s not the end of the world.

   My therapist told me to write letter to the people I hate and then burn them. OK. I did that, now what do I do with all these letters?

   they say you should never tell a joke about blind people, oh yeah? watch me

   My friend just accused me of cheating in poker, I think he is just mad I won with 6 king

   I have been called annoying, not once, not twice, not three times not four times not five times not six times not seven times not eight times not nine times not ten times not eleven times not twelve times not thirteen times not even 14 times._.

   My girlfriend told me she wanted me to choke her during sex, I asked her; whats wrong with during dinner?

   I quit my job at the helium gas factory, I refuse to be spoken to in that tone

   "i refuse to get a microchip implanted in me by means of a vaccine needle" okay? And? thats like saying "i refuse to swallow motor oil by means of drinking milk"

   I hate when my wife corrects me,so I said to her "Sarah I want a divorce" she responds with "my name is Debbie"

   So many people leave their bodies to science, I wanna leave my body to accounting

   I have a friebd that is both gay and lactose intolerant, I call him the non dairy queen

   Was told that I am the cheapest man in the world, well I'm not buying it

   Its not that I hate kids, i'm just following the instructions of every medicine bottle in my bathroom cabinet "Keep away from children"

   it technicallly underwear if its all you are wearing?

   For those wondering if walls work, they do, I went to china, didnt see one Mexican

   My last relationship ended cause he wanted a long distance relationship, well he told me to go to hell

   My girlfriend thinks I am incapable of being Faithful... My wife on the other hand, has a sister I wouldn't mind, if ya know what I mean

   Personally I am happily married, unfortunately my wife is not