bryan j brown Funny Status Messages

   Yo Italian Cruise Ship... I'mma let you finish but Titanic had the best sinking of all time!!!

   Lazy Rule #227- I only buy Peanut Butter & Jelly when its swirled together cuz I aint got no time for all that two jar sh*t...

   Attention All Mom: if you have a son from the ages of (6 to 12).. Just randomly ask him..."If 30 ninjas broke in here right now what would you do??" Trust me it will make his day...

   If they play Adele "Set fire to the rain" one more time I'm gonna have too set fire to a radio station..

   I wonder if Titanic would have been as romantic if Jack would have said, "Hey Rose how bout we let me get on the headboard for just a couple of minutes"....

   WTF...It should be illegally for a woman to have a nice ass body with a Not so nice face... Its like when GOD was creating her he thought too himself, "You know what would be real funny...." #Mr.Brown

   Bryan Brown ‎"Can I see your phone??" SURE.. Just don't look in my contacts.... or my texts... or my pics.. or my videos... or my.. you know what just give me my damn phone back.. #Mr.Brown

   Studies have shown that people who masturbate have longer lives then the people who dont... Guess that means my a$$ is living forever...

   Am I the only one that believes people without kids should get a "No-Child Tax Credit"... I mean I'm over here not overpopulating the world.. Think I deserve a lil something back for that... Yall Welcome!

   Why do chicks say that they can count the number of dudes they been with on one hand?? B*tch you ain't got 20 fingers on one hand..

   If milk goes to $8 a gallon its gonna be hard for you ladies to trust anymore.. Cuz you always gonna wonder if he really likes you for you or cuz he loves him some Lucky Charms...

   Nothing turns a close knit family into a bunch of cage fighters like the question of "Who wants to lick the spoon of cake batter?"... 

   i am the kind of guy that likes to turn a woman on with a sexy dance.. Dances like "The Cabbage Patch" and "The Roger Rabbit", trust me it gets them wet... Normally wet from tears because they are laughing so hard but wet is wet...

   My landlord just called and said my neighbors just complained about all the loud freaky sex they are hearing from my house... So now I'm on my way to buy some headphones for my laptop...

   Hold up.. Spanking your kid can get you arrested??? If thats the case my mom should be on Death Row.. . ‪

   So I read that Uber is going to start using self-driving cars to drive people around... Which is a great idea.. But I'm just thinking, if a car drives up to my house to take me somewhere with nobody in it.. I'm pretty sure I just got myself a new car...