Mick F Funny Status Messages

   Relationships would be easier if people came with a "Clear History" button.

   There's nothing that irks me more than guys fawning all over a hot, yet insecure dysfunctional actress type on facebook, as if they're gonna "get some". It's like watching people kissing the a$$ of a train wreck.

   21 years old? 5 kids? That's not a vajayjay, that's a Pez dispenser.

   Jamie Lee Curtis, please take your Activia, and blow it out your a$$.

   What does a gynecologist and a pizza delivery guy have in common? They can smell it but they can't eat it.

   What are those small bumps around a woman's nipples? They are Braille for "s*ck here."

   I don't smoke pot. But hang with people who do. They have great snack ideas, and if you're broke, it is a good group to hang out with for a free meal. If all they're stoned, just start talking about pizza, or fried chicken. Snack time!

   What's with all those sub categories in facebook's relationship status option? For example...what's a Domestic Partnership? She vacuums while he dusts?

   I was just awarded the first place trophy for laziness. All I need now is for someone to accept it on my behalf.

   I'm on a jet, flying to Europe. "Would you like dinner?", the flight attendant asked. I go, "What are my choices?". She said, "Yes or no."

   I'm not going to apologize for it, cause the truth is I'd do it again.

   Who's the most popular guy at the nudist camp? The one carrying two cups of coffee and a dozen donuts.

   "Dad, when can I use the car?" "When you cut that long hair." Why? Jesus had long hair." "Yeah, and he walked everywhere too!"

   There is more money being spent on breast implants and Vi*gra today than on Alzheimer's research. By 2040, there should be a lot of old people with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

   I'm an angel. Honest. The horns are just there to keep the halo straight.

   Dear God, Please send some nice clothes for that poor lady in Daddy's computer who hasn't got any. Love, Paul XXX

   I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself.

   Whenever someone says, "Have a good one." I always respond with, "I have a good one, I just wish it were longer."

   Okay. You have the perfect marriage. Fine. Your grandkids are the greatest ever. Fine. You have a nice car and boat. Fine. Stick em all up your a$$. Fine.

   When it comes to certain people. The best part of them is the part that ran down their daddy's leg.