Jiffy Pop Funny Status Messages

   I haven't had a complete stranger high five or wave at me in a really long time. Time to put on a Nutella costume and walk through the Mall again.

   Some critics say Governor Christie isn't fit to hold office. They should just widen all the doorways where he goes to work. Problem solved.

   I think I'd takes Joan Rivers opinions on how people look more seriously if she didn't look like something that sits on a ventriloquist's lap.

   I think being the winner of the Great American SPAM Recipe Contest is a perfect example of how someone can be a winner and a loser at the same time.

   I think married people should spend a lot of time experimenting sexually. Unless the name of the experiment is "Let's see how long I can make him go without sex".

   Tu pac's of Eminems used to cost 50 cents. Kanye believe it? Isn't that Ludacris? Wil-I-am glad they aren't as cheap now, or I'd be an even bigger Puff Daddy than I already am.

   A part of me wants to go on a diet and eat healthy. Sadly that part of me is a liar.

   Sadly no matter how hard you try, you can't mail a fart. Too bad though, because this would actually make paying Bills a lot more fun.

   Some days I feel about as useful as the pants in Donald Duck's closet.

   Did you know that if you listen to Billy Ray Cyrus's "Achy Breaky 2" backwards, it's still sh* t ?

   I love it how doctors show you pictures of smoker's ugly lungs and non smokers healthy lungs when technically both sets of lungs came from DEAD PEOPLE.

   I'm "talking in your voicemail as if you could hear it like an answering machine" years old.

   I've started this new bacon free diet today. So if the bacon is free, I'll eat it

   I think it's cute how they call those little wimpy squeeze balls "Stress Balls". Because everyone knows if it were truly a "Stress Ball" it would made of solid concrete or cast metal. (So you could throw it at whatever stresses you out)

   I felt sad for this poor guy dressed as The Statue of Liberty in front of Liberty Tax Service...At least he doesn't have it as bad as the Lil' Caesars Pizza Girl. She has to stand there on the roadside holding a sign that says "HOT AND READY 5 DOLLARS!"

   I'm amazed at the high cost of meat lately. I went to the grocery store to buy a beef roast but sadly discovered that they don't have lay away.

   Well the news reports that a Tibetan Mastiff was purchased in China for 2 Million Dollars. Some one over there is about to eat the most expensive authentic Chinese Meal they've ever had today.

   Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady have put their LA Mega-Mansion up for sale. Sadly, in today's economy even the Brady-Bundchen can't keep their home.

   Jimmy cracked corn and no one cared about it so much that they've been singing about it ever since.

   I kept this status nice and short so it would be just like me. My "Eye Roll Sense" is tingling.