Jbabcock Funny Status Messages

   It cracks me up that most people who say "you don't know sh!t from Shinola" don't know what hell Shinola is in the first place.

   Do Lesbians like to be eaten out of house and home?

   Never stop trying. I mean the dude who first said "Face the Music" wasn,t near as successful with his other phrases like "Mouth the Calligraphy", "Armpit the Lyrics", and "Nostril the Poetry" but you didn't see him quit did you?

   Why does anyone want to go to Hell in a handbasket? Everyone whose ever been to the Supermarket knows that using a Shopping Cart would be so much better.

   It's amazing how many girls are lured into the world of Adult Entertainment. I guess the old saying is true: "There's a sucker born every minute."

   Wow Pepsi didnt put "Under God" on their new Pledge of Allegiance Can. They don't want to offend any one with the phrase. Well Pepsi I promise not to give you any coins or bills with "In God We Trust" on them. I dont want to offend you or anything.

   Don't sweat it when an Anonomous Cyber Bully says something insulting or points out your blunders online. Fact is that most of us could eat a can of Alphabet Soup and sh!t better responses than their posts which is what they hide from in the 1st place.

   I'm not surprised when I see some poor coward insult me online anonomously. What's surprising is that he could pull himself away from his Post T Vac and his new episode of "Toddlers and Tiaras" long enough to type something intelligible.

   What do I say to some poor schmuck who tells me he can out insult me on line? Nothing. I have a hard time talking while laughing hysterically.

   Referring back to one of my earlier posts I'm pretty sure I could eat a couple of bowls of Alpha-Bits Cereal and poop out better Rap Lyrics than what's in most Soulja Boy Rap Songs.

   I just heard Alicia Silverstone had a son and named it Bear Blu. Now I wonder if it's mere coincidence that she starred in Clueless.

   Roger Ebert called. He's giving your online performance of "The Worlds Biggest A$$hole" two enthusiastic thumbs up. Way up.

   WESTBORO BAPTIST'S: Military Funeral Protesters who'll one day bring their glowing personalities and heartwarming words to the Nether-Regions they'll share with other sincere folks like Hitler, Dahmer, Gacy, and Jack the Ripper.

   It's a grill kind of day!! I'm an Omnivore however in a gesture of sensitivity to Vegans everywhere, today I'm only gonna eat vegetarian animals .

   I see dead people.......a lot easier since I started using my Bushnell 3200 Tactical Elite rifle scope.

   Hugh Hefner has totally ruined blond jokes for me. Inside of every blond joke there's a Hugh Hefner joke dying to be told.

   It's funny how when funky smellin powder is sent thru the mail anonomously Homeland Security is all over that sh*t. But when the same kind of funky smellin powder fills the air everytime Hef takes off his daiper at the Playboy Mansion no one gives a sh*t.

   Hef like his girls like he likes his paint when he spruces up the ole Playboy Mansion: cheap, dull, and easily spreadable.

   Most of the Pillsbury Dough Boys family showed up for his Funeral. His wife Jane, son Jon, Daughters Play and Docie Dough were all there. His son Dill was missing though. He later told everyone he found himself trembling in a deep dark hole of emotions.

   I'm amazed at how much I reminisce about you, especially when I'm dropping a load.