Jake Funny Status Messages

   Santa Claus is jolly because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

   Claustrophobic : A person afraid of Santa Claus

   By useing earbuds it gave me alot of practice to un-tangling a string of Christmas lights

   Since the 2nd amendment gives me the right to bear arms. I cut the sleeves off all of my shirts.

   How did cavemen meet women? They went clubbing.

   My cooking is so good even my smoke alarm comments on it.

   There was a study done on the effects alcohol has on walking. The results were staggering.

   If you were born in september. There a good chance your parents started the new year with a bang.

   Heard there was a kidnapping at the school. Untill the teacher woke him up.

   It's so cold out that I saw a dog frozen to a fire hydrant

   It was so cold that when we milk the cows we got ice cream.

   So cold in D.C. today that the politicians had their hands in their own pockets.

   So cold don's toupee flew south for the winter

   On new year's eve while counting down the last 10 seconds, I lift my left leg so I'll start the new year out on the right foot.

   It's 2018 so that means the millennium is legal.

   In California, ever day is now 420

   In the past few days my Doritos stock started to skyrocket. Thank you California.

   Babies cry at night to prevent their parents from making another one.

   When the shovel was invented, it was a ground breaking experience.

   I realized I wasn't my parents favorite kid when they ask me to help blow up ballonns for my twin brother's surprise birthday party.