@OMFG_Rel8able Funny Status Messages

   "Dont worry the spider is smaller than you" Yeah? "So is a grenade!"

   I'm going to open a store next to forever 21 and call it finally 22.

   ❒ Single ❒ Taken ✔ Too sexy that if you go out with just one person, everybody will get jealous & depressed therefore killing themselves.

   I will do anything humanly possible to reach the remote without getting up..

   "I just saw you on tv" "OH MY GOD what channel?" "Animal planet"

   Someday someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.

   Its stupid when someone texts you first and they never reply after you text them back..

   Dear anyone who can finish an eraser, chapstick, and a pencil, without losing it: You're my idol!

   I remember when I was a kid I went on the computer just to use paint. :)

   Since the commercial, I've always wanted to jump on a Tempur-pedic bed with a glass full of wine.

   *Press a toy in the store* *won't stop making noises *slowly walk away*

   Wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle yeaaaa... LMFAO :D

   Hmm, I should throw a party with fake alcohol and see how many people act wasted.

   Dear Fox News, So far, no news about foxes. Sincerely, Unimpressed.

   thinks I feel great when I go to bed drunk. I wake up feeling crap. Obviously sleep is bad for you!!!!

   Nobody Dates Anymore, Everybody has a ``Thing" with someone

   If you have to question whether or not your behavior is acceptable, it's probably not.... and we should definitely hang out :)

   If you have a problem with me, text me. If you don't have my number than that means you don't know me well enough to have a problem with me.

   Friend: Whatcha eating? Me: alphabet soup. Friend: looks like spaghetti to me. Me: It's in Arabic

   Pretending you're the host of a cooking show, when you're home alone cooking.