life Funny Status Messages

   thinking... Since the world is ending tomorrow; meaning today is the last full day of life ... I'm thinking about hosting a Pre-Rapture Sex Party. Message me for the details! ;)

   HOW TO CONTROL PEOPLE: Repeatedly lie to people about a "life-ending event" in the basis of religion enough times to where they slighty believe you and have them talk about it all over the world.

   Dam you rapture this is exactly as my last crapy life..guess I'm in hell..!!!

   Sometimes we struggle through a tasteless coffee till the last sip,then we find sugar lying at the bottom. -THAT'S LIFE Sweetened but not stirred well..!!

   Ob-la-di, ob-la-da life goes on brah, La la how the life goes on

   Anyone besides me have that totally narcissistic FB friend that post the most mundane things about their life because they think people actually care? Typing this while pooping.

   The world did not end on the 21st. It was just rebooted. Please be sure your security software is up to date. Run a full scan of your life and remove any malicious files which may be damaging your joy, stealing your hope, or slowing down your blessings. I

   I remember long ago I was going to make a big splash in this world...Turns out it was only a fart in the tub of life.

   If life gives you melons you may be dyslexic.

   The 3 C's of life; Choice, Chance, Change. You must make the Choice to take the Chance if you want anything to Change.

   When you say your life is a joke I really feel sorry for you because it's not even a funny one.

   Life isn't about getting nude... Its about being nude.... Bring on National Nude Day

   Someday, someone will walk into your life and make you realise why it never worked out with anyone else.

   Life was so much easier before security cameras

   Life is like a roller coaster. You can either scream every time there is a bump or you can throw your hands up and enjoy the ride.

   The funny thing about life is, it can change your worst problem into the funniest joke. It just needs time.

   The only friends you need in your life are the ones that prove they need you in theirs. I guess it's just sometimes we expect more from our friends because we would be willing to do that much more for them.

   My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.

   Whether they find a life there or not, I think Jupiter should be called an enemy planet.

   If people winked in real life as much as they wink in texts, the world would be an extremely creepy place.