flinnie Funny Status Messages

   my GF and I have so much in common, she thinks I'm the best looking, kindest, smartest, best lover, most considerate, humblest, man in the world...and I agree

   I had a dream that all the neglected MySpace Profiles came back and wanted vengeance.

   "You should know that when I say it ain't nothin' but a G thang, sometimes it *is* more than just a G thang!" - passive-aggressive Dr. Dre

   Doctor says I have Gunter glieben glauchen globen syndrom. I break out in hives whenever I hear Def Leppard's "Rock of Ages".

   I keep thinking about Shane from "The Walking Dead" telling Rick that "it all started with a few weird news reports."

   Never bring a knife to a gunfight. But if you bring one to a tickle fight, you will TOTALLY win.

   I just got an email from Facebook that I have 7 friends with birthdays this month. I didn't even know that I had 7 friends, or Facebook.

   its time to call clowns what they really are- smiling murderers

   Shot some fish in a barrel today. More difficult than you'd think.

   Even as we speak, the Fine Young Cannibals try to find a way to revive their careers in light of recent news stories on cannibalism.

   I almost felt strongly about something today but then I saw a duck

   Dance like no one is watching or just stop dancing in public you weirdo.

   WHENEVER YOU GET BORED , SEND THIS TEXT TO A RANDOM NUMBER....." I KILLED HIM , NOW WHAT ? "

   I hate when I'm at someone's house & they ask stupid questions like "Who are you?" "How did you get in?" And "Is that a gun?

   The Transit of Venus was by far the best small black dot moving boringly across a large yellow circle I've ever witnessed.

   I have come to the conclusion that the dryer lint is the cremated remains of all my missing socks.

   Adam never let Eve boss him around. He wore the plants in the relationship.

   I scrolled too far back on my timeline and I ended up on myspace

   I forget how ridiculous I look while air drumming until I see the pictures that come with my red light ticket.

   Thanks to all the legal and medical dramas I've watched, I'm pretty sure I'm capable of winning court cases and saving lives.