santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   counting down!!! Only 91 days until Christmas, that's right CHRISTMAS :)

   Life got 4 steps. 1: you belive in santa. 2: you don't belive in santa. 3: you are santa. 4: you look like santa

   I use my birthday as an excuse to do whatever the hell I want. So basically it's just like every other day, except with presents.

   Hey Target, it's Mid October, calm down on the xmas stuff!-Santa

   I just saved a TON of money on Christmas presents by discussing politics on Facebook.

   Christmas shopping done.... I got everyone a box with a note in it that reads. "Sorry, the world was suppose to end so I didn't get you anything. Blame the Mayans!"

   Men, if you're looking to spoil your lady this christmas, make sure there's WIFI in the kitchen, chicks love WIFI in the kitchen.

   Just a friendly reminder: There's 51 shopping days before Xmas. Of course according to the Mayans, the world will end in 48 days, so you decide…

   Santa put me in charge of the naughty list this year. So if you have been naughty inbox me so we can talk about your punishment and gift.

   Santa, this Christmas all I want is a fat bank account and a slim body. Lets not mix the two up like last year, ok?

   So who's buying their kids Elmo toys this Christmas?....Anyone...?

   I remember when Santa said I was to old to sit on his lap. Well that was last year, this year I am wearing a disguise.

   Tesco - It's the little things that make Christmas. Yeah, Vietnamese kids in sweat shops.

   What's a good Christmas gift for the man who has everything except a clue?

   What's a good Christmas gift for the woman who already has everything except morals?

   I'm dreaming of a tight Christmas!

   A stupid, ridiculous, sappy, eye-rolling Hallmark commercial just made me tear up...the holidays are officially here.

   Black Friday... a special time to keep Capitalism in Christmas

   saw a Mayan Xmas shopping today ........ seemed legit

   I asked my wife what she wants for Christmas. She said, "Oh, nothing special." So I'm giving her a framed picture of her t!ts.