Flinnie Funny Status Messages

   Turns out, “Dress for the job you want," does NOT mean you should show up to a job interview in footie pajamas.

   I feel like I am forgetting about something. Oh that's right the titans. I was supposed to remember the titans.

   I will only believe that YouTube truly has everything once I can see Burl Ives song Ham and Eggs on there. You have failed, internet.

   Fact: Most American Caucasians will claim Cherokee heritage as well. Its just easier picking a group that isn't around anymore.

   Corporation tip: Customer support should not sound like you are listening to a Bin Laden tape. I wonder if the FBI was listening in.

   "Hey girls, stop doing that thing with your lips when you take pictures. You're making us look stupid." - ducks

   When covertly referencing your bathroom necessities, instead of using 'number 1 or number 2', we should say "I have to R2D2 or C3peeO"

   Whoever said "If you love something, let it go" should have clarified that statement with "but not if it's a baby!"

   I thought when people lie to me their pants were supposed to catch on fire. Turns out that's a lie also. Trust no one.

   Dude, you don't need to add 'I'm Just Sayin' to whatever you just said, since clearly you just said it. Just sayin.'

   "Local artist" is just fancy talk for "stinky guy nobody likes."

   I could never go to a hip hop concert. I never feel like saying either Hey or Ho when told to.

   Trying to decide what I hate more: 1. Mondays or 2. People who complain about how much they hate Mondays

   teens are getting drunk on Purell. But to be fair, it tastes better than Jagermeister.

   Do not use "Whoomp! There it is!" unless it actually is there

   I can't decide if insane people own multiple cats or if owning multiple cats makes people insane.

   Well that's a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I'm doing

   Every time I see you my heart flutters, and time slows down. So either I'm in love or having a stroke!

   It doesn't matter how old or gangster you are- if a toddler hands you a toy phone, you answer that

   Probably the worst thing about being a penguin is after you're in an argument, you'll try to waddle away angrily but still look adorably cute.