friday OR weekend Funny Status Messages

   Dear liver, the weekend is almost over, hang in there little one. Love you.

   Women: So glad the weekend is finally here so I can wash the dishes, mop the floors, clean the toilets, dust the furniture and do the laundry! YAYNESS!!!

   This is odd?!?! The hour we lost this weekend was the one when I was planning to go to the gym.

   Plans for the weekend? Lie in bed and move just enough so people don't think I'm dead.

   So looking forward to all the Easter weekend mattress sales.

   My goal for Easter weekend is to move just enough each day to make sure no one thinks I'm dead.

   What do we tell Jesus when he comes back to earth and finds out we call the day of his death Good Friday? He be all like ... WTF?

   I am wondering what type of Easter eggs they are eating this weekend at Trump rallies....

   Oh I so enjoy reading on weekend nights on things that I could have been doing.

   Questions To Ask Coworkers/Friends Every Friday: What do you mean I'm crazy? Have the unicorns been spreading vicious ugly rumors about me again?

   Sorry you're an athiest and have no one to thank it's Friday.

   I tried making some rabbit stew this past weekend, but my wife complained that there was a hare in it.

   Dear Weekend, I swear the weekdays mean nothing to me. You're the one I want to be with.

   I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75.

   .... Told the wife that next long weekend I'm gonna actually get off the couch and take those Christmas lights down. Unless I see a spider then the whole things off.

   Memorial Day Weekend is coming up and Summer is just around the corner. I can tell because the UPS guy asked me to put sun block on his legs.

   Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.

   The very best time to re-examine your life is after you’ve had too much to drink on Memorial Day long weekend.

   I have seen so many Smart cars this holiday weekend with out of state plates, I'm assuming there's a clown convention somewhere nearby.

   This Friday, Finding Dory will be release in theaters as well as Season 4 of Orange is the new Black on Netflix. One is about the adventures of a lost soul in a sea of fish searching for love. The other is made by Pixar.